Separation and divorce can be very painful experiences, especially for the partners who didn’t want the marriages to end. You may feel like you will never survive it because of the empty hole it leaves in your heart and soul. Don’t despair, though, because there ARE ways to get through this and come out a whole human being on the other side.
First of all, allow yourself to grieve. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t matter when it does.
The grieving process is very important because you need to acknowledge the loss, or “death” of the relationship.It is a very real loss and is no less important than any other loss. Cry, scream, rage, throw things, or whatever helps you get through it. Find an outlet for your grief.
As time moves on, do your best not to dwell on your ex or about to be ex-spouse. Don’t wallow around with items of their clothing that still smell like them. Stay away from anything that will purposely bring happier times back into sharp focus. Remember, you are trying to get over this hurtful time in your life.
Make new memories by visiting some different restaurants, clubs, shopping areas, or other places that you and your ex used to frequent. Chances are you won’t be running into your ex if you are not at the same old haunts. New surroundings can help you in moving forward with your life.
Let your friends be there for you but don’t drain them with constant crying and talking only about your loss. Allow them to make some plans for you as far as inviting you to dinner, or taking you to a movie, or a new club. Your friends can help you make the transition from married to single if you will let them but don’t take advantage of their good nature.
Don’t jump back into the dating game until you are positive you have moved on from your ex. It’s not fair to use someone else just to make you feel better. So unless you are totally positive your heart can be open to caring for someone else, don’t go out on dates. There’s no need to hurt someone who may really start caring for you. Usually, it takes at least six months to a year before you can be reasonably sure that your feelings for your ex are in the past. While you may retain some bittersweet memories of the marriage, you will be ready to love someone else.
Last, but not least, don’t allow yourself to obsess and hope where there is truly no hope to be offered. If someone has moved on from your life, you need to also move on. Hanging onto something that is no longer there will never help you.